Dungeons and Dragsters

Despite it being mid/late November, I present my October Challenge submission, D&D. You race through the dungeon and smash into the dragon at the end. Go fast enough and defeat him, or ... not. How did this particular mash-up come about? I started with a concept I had been noodling over for a while, but as the deadline crept closer and closer I jokingly said, "I should just abandon the whole thing and remake Activision Dragster for the 2600." Somewhere in between what I had already done and the game I played as a youngster, Dungeons and Dragsters was born.

It took my coworkers approximately 60 seconds to figure out how to break the driving to get max velocity. Time to rework some of that gearing code.

The First Rule of Book Club...

This box arrived for me in yesterday's mail. At first I was a bit puzzled because I didn't remember buying anything. Then I was a lot puzzled because there was a gift card that said it was from Mike Howell. I checked with the only other Mike Howell I know, and he didn't send it. The only logical conclusion I can make is that I've gone all Tyler Durden on myself.

What hidden message from myself could Ender's Game contain? Should I start making soap? I think I'll skip the blowing up buildings part, since that doesn't end well for anyone. You can tell Fight Club was definitely a pre-9/11 thing, because we don't joke around about that kind of stuff now.

Election Day

Hooray! The day is finally here when Americans of all status, creed and legal voting status get to choose which political party will lead Our Great Nation into a shiny future of hope and prosperity and reject the one that will lead us down the path of destruction into servitude and the abandonment of everything we hold dear. Choose wisely, voter. It's only paradise or complete societal breakdown at stake. No pressure.


And if you want to know who wins, the Gregory Brothers already prognosticated the outcome:

Ruinous Powers Grocery?

My painstaking research is complete, and I have come to the only reasonable conclusion. My local Kroger has turned to Chaos. "Certainly not Kroger," you scoff. "Are they not a purveyor of fine foodstuffs, including affordable Kroger brands?"

Let us consider the evidence.

At first glance, this appears to your average sign announcing to the world that fine groceries, produce and sundries may be purchased within, but upon closer inspection we find...

Spiky bits! The whole sign is covered with spikes, presumably a mutation provided by the dark gods when Kroger gave their devotion, indeed their souls, to Chaos!

The far entrance, like the main sign, looks innocent enough. "Clearly if it is food you seek, here you will find satisfaction," it beckons.

But no! More spikes! The only food you will find is the taste of your tears as you fall before the unstoppable hordes of the Ruinous Powers!

A closer inspection below the "food" sign reveals the image of some dark goddess or daemon! Could this be the work of Slaanesh?! Or is the entire pantheon of Chaos in league to corrupt this establishment?

Shameless! They are even advertising that they will intentionally inject flu viruses into your very blood! There can be no mistaking the noxious touch of Nurgle upon this wretched place!

The final piece of evidence. The siren song of Chaos, set before man to appeal brazenly to his basest of instincts. "Buy one," the seductive voice croons, "and get one free." Who can resist this foul temptation?

On the down side, I will have to start looking for another grocery store at which to shop. The =I=nquisition will undoubtedly have  purged this one by the time I need groceries again. I suppose I should be happy that it's not just planet-wide Exterminatus. I must remember to look on the bright side.

...And Rankin/Bass Begat GW Orcs?

John@Plastic Legions mentioned the 1977 Hobbit cartoon created by Rankin/Bass in a recent post, and it inspired me to post something I've been thinking for a while.

What was the artistic interpretation of Orcs prior to Warhammer? I know Warhammer Orcs aren't Middle Earth Orcs, but we can agree that there is definite artistic lineage between the two. So let's take a look at a few pieces of art separate from the GW interpretation.

Captured by Orcs

The Hildebrandt brothers had an animal-snouted impression of Orcs. This reminds me a lot of the artwork for Orcs in the Dungeons and Dragons books I had in the early 80's.

The Great Goblin

John Howe's Goblin King interpretation is more human looking, and is closer in line with the artwork for Grom the Paunch than anything else I've seen in GW terms. The goblins to the lower right look somewhat in line with earlier edition GW goblin artwork I've seen.

Rankin/Bass Goblin

Rankin/Bass Goblin King

Rankin/Bass took a very different approach that suited their animation style better. The design of these creatures fascinated me as a child, especially since I hadn't read Tolkien but loved fantasy. That said, what they did with Gollum's design was.... regrettable. (But, oh my, Brother Theodore's voice acting of Gollum is a thing of pure beauty.)

And now we come to the current look of GW Orcs, represented by the artwork from the last army book, the image on the Warboss box and an Orc Shaman mini.

7th ed. GW Orcs & Goblins book cover

GW Orc Warboss box

GW Orc Shaman

They certainly seem much more in line with the Rankin/Bass imagery than any of the others I found. What artwork depicting Tolkien Orcs have you run across, and how similar to GW Orcs is it?

40k Terminology: Skarboy vs. Sarkozy

In an effort to alleviate some of the confusion caused by similar looking words, allow me to highlight the differences.

Skarboy

• Ork veteran, named for impressive battle-scars
• Green and ornery
• Poor interpersonal skills
• Almost unique to Goff clan

(source Lexicanum)

Sarkozy

• 23rd President of France
• Pink and smirky
• Married three times
• Is one of the Co-Princes of Andorra

I hope that clears things up a bit.

Wonderful Vacation, then Painting

I have returned from a relaxing, fun week at Portage Lake Covenant Bible Camp.  Good worship, good gaming, good food (defined as "I didn't have to cook it") and all that.

We played Seafarers of Catan, Carcasonne, Infernal Contraption, and Star Munchkin.

One of many Carcasonne games

My son learned how to ride a two-wheeler exactly one day before leaving for camp, so he was an unstoppable cyclist the entire time we were there.

He seems pleased with the lack of training wheels

Now that we're home, I decided to break out the paints and give Tristan's Harlequin a little more love. I like the direction it's going, but it needs more "pop." Come to think of it, I still need to send something for him to paint for me... Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping... into the future.

Fear my tiny power fist!
I should have posted this pic first to get more clicks from FTW :-)

I also worked on a Rotten Belle to go with pimped out Nicodem. Next time I go to RIW to play (with school starting, that may be September) I hope to have Nico and his three lovely ladies ready to roll.

The Mysterious Duration

I went to wish well to my soon to be ex-boss (he is off to a new position in a different state next week) and returned to this mysterious post-it on my monitor.

"3 years 23 days   Good Luck"

What does it mean? Could it be from the same source as the Ominous "S" ?  And what does the date mean? Is that 3 years 23 days from now or 3 years 23 days ago.  Let us consult a date calculator.

Future: 3 years 23 days from now is Thursday, September 4, 2014
Past: 3 years 23 days ago was Sunday, July 20, 2008

Neither date has significance for me, and I do not recognize the handwriting.

Yay! Mommy's Violent!

I watched the first episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day this past Friday, and a couple more times since then.  This moment, from about 45 minutes in, cracked me up.

Actually, Stef noticed the baby and pointed it out to me.  DVR rewind, and hey!  Check that out!  Those fake gunshots must not be very loud or I'm guessing baby would be freaking out, even with cute little earmuffs.

GIANT SPACE OWL ENEMY OF MANKIND

Some of this content has been used without permission of its author.  It's for his own good.

See what I'm saying?  Seriously a threat that we can't afford to ignore.  Sure it's expensive to attack distant astronomical things, but just for a moment think of the cost of not attacking them.


Two ring nebulas, two veil nebulas (ok ok, nebulae senior Latin) and part of an hourglass nebula.

Another Reason Having Kids Rocks

Having kids is like living with comedians.  Tiny, sloppy, needy comedians.  As evidence I give you these two exchanges between my daughters (Sarah and Lily) and me.

From last week...

Me: I watched part of Dumb and Dumber the other night.  I was surprised at how much casual profanity is thrown around in that movie.
Sarah: Oh, so they were like "Hi!  Hi!  Hi!" (waving and smiling madly)
Me: Uh, no.  More like beeep beeep beeep beeep.
Sarah: (looking serious and thoughtful) I see. So they were robots.

And this one from breakfast this morning...

Me: Do you kids know who Osama bin Laden is?
Kids: No.
Me: He's the leader of the group who planned and carried out the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.
Lily: I suppose we'll be hearing about him in Social Studies.
Me: Well, after searching for him for almost ten years, the military finally found him and he was killed in an attack yesterday.
Lily: Well then I guess we'll be hearing about him in History.

My son isn't quite there with the verbal wit yet, but he's only six.  He tells me thrilling tales of playing Portal with his friend Colin at school.  I'm not quite sure what two six year olds play-acting Portal is like, but Jay is developing a passable impression of GLaDOS's speech cadence.

The Ominous "S"

I returned from fetching lunch to find this at my desk.

A tiny square of paper with a bold capital "S" on it.  Who could have left it?!  What does it mean?!!?!?

Egg Drop Soup (with Helicopters)

Today, for reasons I cannot now fathom, we took the kids to a 30,000 Easter egg "hunt" where some of the eggs were dropped by helicopter. Sounds.... crazy, right?  It was.

After two days of rain, it did not occur to us that the whole thing would be a horrific quagmire. It was.

By the time we were actually in position for the drop 2 of my 3 kids had fallen and were covered in mud.

People came from miles to partake in the spectacle. It was packed. Once the call was given to go, the mad scramble left some children with huge bags of eggs, and some children left crying, empty handed.  My 6 year old got 5 eggs (and was not happy) and my girls got 5 eggs between them. This is definitely one time where the meek are not blessed.  Aggression and assertiveness win the day at an egg drop.  At least the organizers had the forethought to leave a few eggs in reserve for the poor kids who got none.

Once the eggs had all been collected, the search began for each child.  Parents were everywhere hollering names in every which direction.

We had planned on heading to my parents' house after the event, but with everyone covered in mud and our house almost an hour in entirely the wrong direction we decided to stop off and buy some clothes for them on the way.  $135 later, we were on the road again.  Admittedly, $20 of that was me impulse buying "Tales from Earthsea."  I didn't realize Miyazaki had adapted Ursula LeGuinn's stories (which I read as a teen) and I loves me some Miyazaki.

Egg dropping and a very curvy rotor.

Seeing the helicopter was fun, and if someone can explain to me why the rotors appear so curved in the photos?  I just can't figure why they would be in focus let look so curved, or why one side would look curved and not the other.  If it was from the motion of the rotors you would think both would be equally affected.

Rotors curving upward oddly.  Feel free to hum "Ride of the Valkyries" here.  I did.

Rotors curving downward...oddly.

Earth Will Be Victorious!!

I just received an email from "Environment Michigan" detailing our plans to defeat Mercury on Earth Day. While I understand the symbolic significance of an Earth Day victory, I am very disappointed in how visible the campaign's timeline is.  The element of surprise is vital to a decisive victory, and by advertising that we will be attacking Mercury on Earth Day we are giving them ample time to shore up their defenses in preparation for the invasion.  I assume our vast fleets are en route as we speak, assuming Venus gave us permission to cross their orbit.

Growth Over Time

It is an interesting phenomenon that when a certain character is illustrated over a long period of time, certain aspects of illustration will get enlarged.

Take, for instance, Bloom County's Opus the Penguin.

I won't begin to speculate why the nose gets bigger over time.  Smarter people than me have probably done all the analysis ever needed on that subject.

After seeing the post on MWC with associated artwork, it occurs to me that Marneus Calgar's armor has gone through much the same tranformation.

Okay, so maybe the later version is supposed to be him in his special terminator armor... I dunno.  The one on the left looks merely anatomically impossible.  The one on the right looks like Dreadknight Jr., and has notably fewer dinosaurs.  Would you turn in your leopard skin cloak and dinosaur attendants in exchange for very cold lighting and giant armor?  Well, would you?  I didn't think so.

<3 Michigan

This state is crazy.  A couple years ago we had a white Easter and a green Christmas.  Today, it's snowing like crazy.  My grandfather told tale of his birth in June being the day of a snowstorm.

Ah, who am I kidding.  I love it.  Crazy, wonderful, unpredictable, Michigan weather.

The Dice Know Their Master

After our very unsuccessful attempt at playing a lunchtime game of Warmachine Friday, Brian accidentally picked up my two Privateer Press dice and put them with his own.  Later in the day he stopped by with all four dice.

"So how are we going to tell whose are whose?" he asked jokingly.

"Here, I can tell," I said, and rolled all four dice.  They came up two 1's, a 4 and a 5.
I grabbed the ones showing snake eyes.  "These are definitely mine."

Adding Snarky Word Bubbles with Gimp

Because IP laws are vague when it comes to parody!  (Or are they?  You didn't hear me say that!)

So let's start with "Barfy the Troll" ...

We'll put a word bubble off to the upper right of his head.  Start by loading the image in Gimp.

Then use the "rectangle select tool" (shortcut R) to draw a selection box for our speech bubble.

Once you draw the rectangle check the "Rounded Corners" box and increase the radius until the box looks like a bubble.

Now we'll add the little arrow to the bubble.  Choose the "Free Select" tool (shortcut F).  Here's an important step: now click on the title bar of the image.  If the image is the selected window, holding shift will make the little lasso tool get a "plus" sign next to it.  We want to add to the selection, so that's good!  Hold down shift and click three points to make the arrow.  Then release shift and click on the first point of the triangle to complete the selection adding.  We now should have a shape that is our word bubble, but it's still just a selection.

 Now choose the bucket fill tool (shortcut shift+B) and select "Fill whole selection" with "Affected Area (Shift)"  Make sure your color of choice for the word bubble is the currently selected color, and then click within the word bubble.  There!  Now our word bubble is filled, but we want to add a border so that is shows up against the backdrop.

Open the "Channels, Layers and Paths" window and choose the paths tab.  Since we have a selection open, we have the option to turn our selection into a path.  Click the appropriate icon to do that.

Now that our selection is a path, we can stroke along the path to draw an outline.  Click the "stroke along path" button (right next to "selection to path") making sure your outline color is the active color.  Choose line thickness and click "stroke."

 Our word bubble is done, but we need a humorous caption or nobody will know how clever we are.  Choose the text tool and click in the word bubble.  Use a lifetime of internet usage to come up with something hilarious, perhaps a reference to a 1980 movie starring Leslie Nielson.  Change the font size as needed in the dialog to fit your caption in the bubble.  If you need to, use more than one text object.

Now you are done!  Save your creation and prepare for the hilarity that will ensue.

They Shall Know Satire!

Because Fear is not on the menu!

I got the preview email from Games Workshop for the new Grey Knights models.  They look pretty cool, but I can't resist making a few humorous observations.  I'll let the Ordo Malleus speak for themselves.

Not a fan of 90's manga?  google it

and a book, apparently!

Yes, you are Burny the Bunny.  Congratulations.

Maybe I'm nitpicking on that last one, but if you are going to drill storm bolter barrels for your studio army make a template or something.  Those look about like my pin-vise workmanship.

Also, super giant robot exo-skeletons?  I dunno.  We're taking one scary step toward Dreadnoughts being able to link up to form Volton.

Funny, But Still Untrue

Wife: What are you eating?
Me: Kashi Go-Lean Crunch.  With flax seeds!
Wife: Yeah, not really my favorite.
Me: But it has flax seeds!  You know what is made from flax, right?
Wife: No.
Me: Linen!
Wife: Well, that explains why it tastes like sheet.