That Crucial Moment

There are few experiences in life that can rival awaiting the reading of a jury verdict. I got that experience Wednesday as I sat in a courtroom with a friend whose fate lay in the hands of a jury of his peers. For days we had heard testimony and arguments. Sure, I was biased by friendship and the experiences of knowing this person for the last four or so years, but even imagining myself as an impartial listener the evidence seemed so strong for the defense and the prosecution witnesses contradicted each other repeatedly.

The court officer called us back into the courtroom.
heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat
The jury oozed into the courtroom in slow motion.
heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat
The foreman of the jury stood.
heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat
Guilty.

It's like getting punched in the gut with a pillow. Guilty.
The feeling is utterly helpless. My mind was frantically racing for some way to change what was happening, all the time knowing I couldn't. Wake up. Go back. That didn't happen. Guilty.

I sat there not sure what to do. It's over, but as long as I sit here it's not really over, is it? The sentencing date was set and the next case on the docket began and I was still sitting there.

Even now I still have that sudden urge to change things somehow, knowing I can't. I feel helpless. I couldn't stop it. I can't stop it. It's going to happen. I can feel my stomach clench at the thought. I know it wasn't me in the defendant's chair, but it feels like I was.

It feels like I still am.

Flash Kraken

Behold my first app written in open source Flash development tools.

Okay, it's not much but it demonstrates a few things I wanted to do, namely a progress bar that fills up as the image loads. The image is located remotely, and I need to figure out how to make libraries of resources that can be embedded in the flash app.

Project source: CTD.zip

The name of the zip and the swf file indicate my intended first game in flash, Coin Toss Dungeon. Coin Toss Dungeon references a "What's New with Phil and Dixie" cartoon from the early 80's that I originally read in Dragon magazine in my greasier teenage years. Through the magic of the interwebs (and Mr. Foglio's generosity) I present it for you here.

Farewell to Corinthian Leather

As a child, I remember hearing of famous people dying and wondering, "Who is this person, and why is everyone acting like it's a huge tragedy?" Today, I experienced this. Upon hearing of the death of Ricardo Montalban, I made an audible "awwwww." My younger coworkers on the other hand said, "Who is this person, and why are you acting like it's a huge tragedy?"

For the edification of the public, I present my first memory of Ricardo Montalban.



Wait... I thought it was rich Corinthian leather. Huh?

Slowly Reconnecting With My Life

Hmmm.... how to start. The past 90 days or so are among the strangest times I've ever experienced. I was prescribed some medication that had the effect of making me lose all interest in my own life. By that I mean I completely lost interest in both the things I previously enjoyed and lost interest in the consequences of actions in my life. As a result my online business has officially failed and is closed, I haven't picked up a paintbrush in months (missing promised deadlines without so much as a twinge of guilt) and my work at EMU has suffered. I spent money frivolously that I did not have.

I've always been a solitary sort, but this was a new extreme. I was trying very hard to disconnect with everything in my life except my family. Every time the phone rang I would say, "I'm not here." The only way people could contact me was to show up somewhere that they knew I would be (home or work) and confront me there, which annoyed me greatly. I found myself avoiding email, knowing that people would be trying to contact me. My mobile phone was commonly set to vibrate and left (accidentally, of course) in my coat pocket in the closet.

I think the word we're looking for here is depression.

Somewhere in this time frame also came some medical tests. My liver enzymes had been wonky for a while and my spleen, already 30% longer than normal range, was getting larger according to an ultrasound I had. I was bouncing between my primary care physician, a gastroenterologist and trying to schedule with a hemotologist. Oh, and lots of blood draws. An abdominal CT scan showed no abnormal growths in my liver despite is being lit up on the ultrasound consistent with fatty liver infiltration. Hooray, I just won a liver biopsy.

Biopsies are fun-on-a-bun. Doctors numb your side, jam a needle the size of a ball point pen in between your ribs, and grab a chunk of your giblets to gawk at under a microscope. In truth, it wasn't as bad as it sounds. After the burning zap of the local anesthesia I didn't feel anything. I was surprised to hear the snap of the sample being taken, not realizing they had actually pierced my abdominal cavity I expected to go back to work the next day, but was ordered to take the next 48 hours off. Whee. Here's a little glimpse of my happy-fun-time.

After looking over my innards, the verdict is apparently good. I suffer from "nonalcoholic steatohepatitis," a fibrosis or mild scarring of the liver. It can lead to cirrhosis if it gets a lot worse, and the treatment is to lose weight, eat a more balanced diet and exercise more. Imagine my joy.

Okay, so back to the reconnecting/depression thing. I talked to my doctor about what was going on and she altered some dosages. About a month later I can feel the fog lifting, and I actually returned a couple calls to people. I'm thinking about painting soon too, but we'll see on that. I'm not used to conditions that are not either on or off. This mental state is a continuum and it's hard to say where I am at any given moment. I like data. I like to be able to measure things. This is not really measurable. Even during the darkest time of it I wasn't entirely sure if something was wrong with me. I was fairly certain that I "wasn't myself lately" but I couldn't define what "myself" actually was, and was obsessed by the fact that if "myself" wasn't how I was acting at the time then how is "myself" even defined? Yeah, I know. It sounds pretty stupid in retrospect. My thought process was tainted. I wasn't suicidal, but my thoughts would be... I guess dark is the best word I could use. The idea of bad things happening was no concern to me. The idea of bad things happening to me actually held some appeal. The fact that the liver biopsy had a fatality risk gave me a sick sense of satisfaction.

Anyway, I'm feeling better. I managed to not alienate my kids or Stef. My friends are either oblivious to what happened or are somewhere between concerned and irked. My customers are enraged, and with good reason. The mere fact that I'm blogging about it is a major step toward normalcy for me, and I actually want normalcy now. That's a big change.

Maybe I'll even post some painting news here eventually! ...but not quite yet.

Untitled Poem

I dreamed of a girl
with dark skin and bright eyes
long hair and long neck
and warm copper lips
willing with chaste kisses
their taste the promise
of youth fulfilled
Out of place among us
in the midst of our filth
her royalty was unmarred
She gave me a gift
of gems and precious metals
but when I looked at it later
it was a simple thing
a child's thing
of bright colored clay

This poem is the direct result of a very vivid dream I had. The setting is an idealized evocation of warm summer nights in my teenage years. I loved the ambiguity of the symbolic gift.

Dreaming in Poetry

Okay, bear with me. This came to me fully formed in a dream while I was feeling quite poorly, and most likely feverish.

my attendants array before me each morning
in uniforms chosen through assessment
and reassessment
and as they diminish in service to me
throughout the month
until they are nearly spent
REBIRTH!
like the invincible moon
made full again

It wasn't quite as vivid as the hallucinations I had when I had meningitis, but it's still pretty cool for something that I didn't consciously write. When I woke the memory was vivid enough for me to quickly jump to the computer and write it down. Apparently I had gone to bed early (no recollection) because the time stamp is about 10:00 PM.

Staying on your Talking Points

This made me laugh.

My Contribution to Democracy

I stood in line for about an hour and a half to vote this morning. I'm glad the eather was nice. The people behind me passed the time by blathering on about anything and everything. The fellow who asserted (multiple times) that election day should be a national holiday almost made me laugh out loud.

Guy: Election day should be a national holiday. Everyone should just get it off work to vote.
Girl: I'm surprised the line is this long.
Guy: Yeah! And it's going to be like this all day!

So, I'm curious. If the line is going to be long all day, how would getting the day off work help? I guess I can see it if there were huge lines/waits early in the day and late in the evening, but if the line is long all day it doesn't make any sense. Also, I don't know if this guy works for a bank or something, but how many of us get national holidays off work? I don't know about you all, but I am here at my desk on Presidents' Day just like every other weekday. I honestly can't see Cracker Barrel or Kroger closing up shop on election day either.

So who did I vote for? The ballot was confusing... I think I may have voted for Buchanan. I'll just claim I voted for whoever lost. That gives me license to complain for the next four years about everything I don't like about the new administration no matter who wins.

Open Source Flash Development

Who says this blog isn't multi-interest?

I have decided to do some Macromedia Flash development, and in my usual frugal vein I am using open source tools. Here is what I am using:

• Eclipse IDE v3.3.2 (Europa)
• Motion-Twin ActionScript 2 compiler (v1.14)
• ActionScript Development Kit (ASDT)
• Flashout (Eclipse Plugin) (v0.2.1.6)
  

Making this all work together is all nicely written up on the communitymx website here.

I encountered some problems, mostly version based, with getting the HelloWorld example to work.

• The "New Folder" right-click command is apparently not enabled by default for the ActionScript perspective in Eclipse 3.3.2. To fix this, customize the perspective, choose the "General" shortcut category and check "folder" (and probably also "file".)
• The "core" linked directory in the example will not be created. A newer version of Motion Twin uses "std8" instead. No biggie, but a difference.
• And speaking of std8, the Eclipse preferences for Flashout want to know the "Directory of Macromedia's core classes." Give it the sdt8 subdir of the Motion Twin installation dir.
  
• The Flashout.as file required for compilation contains code that is not compatible with the newer version of Motion Twin. The "TRACE" function is now "trace", and no I don't know why. Open Flashout.as with a text editor and replace every instance of TRACE with trace. I recommend Wordpad if you use windows, since it has a replace function and treats the carriage returns in the file with respect, unlike notepad. For future covenience (read: laziness) I put it in the std8 directory in the Motion Twin install dir.

One issue I have not gotten to work is the suggestion menus for the Flashout class while editing the ActionScript class files. I'm afraid that when I move to multiple class files that one won't recognize the classes in another. It seems to compile and work okay, but it would be nice if the compiler gave some indication that it knows what I'm talking about. Yes, I've tried putting it in the source directories for the project.

Land Raider Redeemer Re-assembly

Last night I broke out the airbrush to start the Land Raider Redeemer base color. I've never built a Land Raider before, and apparently I fell into a classic assembly error. My error: I didn't sandwich the doors/control panel in between the body halves. I don't feel too bad, since I didn't have instructions. A few bonesaw swipes, some superglue and a wasted evening later, the pieces were back together and waiting for paint.

I'm excited to paint this, even though it's only for eBay. The priming has gone fairly well, with no discernible texture resulting from the spray can. The Iandan Darksun basecoat will make a nice undercoat for the golden yellow I'm making it.

One interesting Land Raider observation... if I put a pilot on top in the hatch and stick a pintle mounted Storm Bolter in front of him, it can still be fired by the Machine Spirit, right? It's odd to think of being there in the hatch and having the vehicle just wrest control of the gun right out from under you so it can shoot at something the rest of the tank was ignoring.

Codex: Space Marines... am I missing something?

Codex: Orks was filled with "huh?" moments. Are dakka-guns on bikes twin linked? What is the actual profile of a dakka gun? Can Stormboyz Waaagh? Can a mob of boyz with shootas have a Nobs with a power klaw, etc.

Codex: Space Marines is starting to cause me some head scratching. First up is the ubiquitous Signum, a sensor previously used by Techmarines to improve shooting of the squad to which they are attached. The rules for the Signum have been changed to prevent it from being used as "Gets Hot! Insurance." Instead of rolling misses (and 1's are misses!) it improves the ballistic skill of a squad member. Great! The only problem is that nobody can take one. The Techmarine doesn't have a signum in his wargear anymore and he can't buy one. In fact, no model that I can find has an option to take a signum now. Did I just miss it?
EDIT: Devastator squad sergeant gets a Signum by default now.

Next, the Razorback! First off, I love the option to have different weapon options than the heavy bolter/lascannon of the last edition. The one that I wonder about is the lascannon/plasma gun combo. In the roster entry, the upgrade specifies a single lascannon and a twin linked plasma gun. On the main page describing the Razorback a variant is described that includes a single lascannon and two twin linked plasma guns. Based on the Ork FAQ using the description page over the roster page I'm guessing it will end up as two twin linked plasma guns, so I'm going to delay modeling one of these until I know for sure. The twin linked assault cannon would use the same turret mount as a Land Raider twin linked assault cannon, but I don't know if the regular Land Raider box includes that particular bit or just the twin linked heavy bolter. The new plastic Crusader / Redeemer box has a twin linked assault cannon bit, but both variants use it. Any Land Raider owners out there want to help me out with this info?
EDIT: I completely misread this. It's "single lascannon and twin-linked plasma guns." One twin linked gun, just like it says in the army composition page.

Honor guard / Command Squad / Servitors: Both the Honor Guard and Command Squad have text that indicate that their inclusion does not take up an additional HQ slot. The servitor squad entry does not have similar text. Does that imply that servitors will take up an elite slot? I hope not. Also, am I missing something or do the independent characters no longer have to be attached to the squads they allow? Text seems to imply that the servitor squad can exist without the techmarine; there are even rules specifically based on the techmarine not being in the squad, and I'm guessing that's not just a "techmarine dies" rule.

Donut Cake Redux

Today is my department's staff picnic thing, and I (was) volunteered to bring a dessert. The coffee/donut cake a couple posts ago was a trial run for what I wanted to bring to the picnic. I made a few changes to the process, as follows:

Make the cake as per the directions on the box, substituting strong coffee (or espresso) for the water in the recipe. It's only 1 1/4 C, so it won't overpower the cake with coffee taste.

Use all large, round donuts (torus, not sphere shaped, would be more accurate I suppose.) Donut holes just didn't work out well. I might try using a chocolate covered cake donut in a future iteration. Try stuff out and tell me how it worked.

Glaze Topping:
1/4 C melted butter / margarine
2 C powdered sugar
1/4 tsp Vanilla extract
mix well, then add 2 Tbsp milk

And remember, it's better to be fat and happy than just fat.

Perverse and Often Baffling

Okay, I've repeatedly referenced this story by Malcolm Gladwell.
Here's a link. Finally.

Go here: http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=348
Click the "Full Episode" icon on the left.
Fast forward to 45:30 or so. If you don't want to listen to the rest of the episode you'll either have to leave it paused for a while or drag the timeline arrow icon to the right as it loads to get to the desired time.

The piece in question ("Tough News Room") is about 12 minutes long. It's worth it.

Doubt journalism.

EDIT: I am saddened and begrudgingly relieved to learn that his story is fictitious.

Donut/Coffee Cake

Okay, I've been wanting to do this for a while. In a world of deep fried Twinkies I doubt this has never been tried before, but I'd never heard of it and it sounded good. I shall consider it original.

1 18.25 oz package Better Crocker SuperMoist Cake Mix (Butter Recipe Yellow)
6 cake donuts
9-12 chocolate "donut holes" (frosted or unfrosted)

Prepare a 13"x9" cake pan as normal, and space the donuts evenly along the bottom of the pan.
Prepare the cake mix as normal, substituting strong coffee for the 1 1/4 Cups water called for on the box. Let the coffee cool down before mixing into other ingredients to prevent the eggs from cooking.
Pour the prepared cake mix carefully over the donuts, trying to keep the spacing intact. Try to space the cake mix evenly in the pan, but even if the coverage is a little uneven the rising cake will cover everything up.

Cook at 350 about 30 minutes.
Let cool. Frost or glaze as desired.
Serves 1. Seriously, you won't want to share.

EDIT: The chocolate donut holes weren't as good as first reported. A night in the fridge left them a little tougher than the rest of the cake. Next time I'm going totally cake donut.

Space Marines: They Shall Know No Nerf ?

Well, I got the new Space Marines codex. There is a whole lot more fluff than I care to wade through right now. The rules...well.... I'm not sure how I feel about some of them yet. This is the first new edition of C:SM released since I started the game (I know, what a noob) so I'm not really sure what whether these rules hearken back to a previous edition or blaze new trails.

Let me highlight a few interesting points. For my 40k-impaired friends who actually bother to read this, "ccw" = "close combat weapon" (a knife, sword, etc.)

1. No more terminator honours. The one upgrade that all of my characters got is now just gone. Sergeants in squads now have 2 attacks on their profile (and an extra 15 points in the cost) but the option to have that 4 attack HQ is gone.
   
2. No more "ablative armor for a lascannon" squads. Only tactical squads of 10 Marines can add a special or heavy weapon, and flamer, heavy bolter, missile launcher or multimelta are free.
3. Characters are not chapter specific! Special characters that can only be fielded in a particular chapter or other always galled me. If I want to field Tigurius I have to play Ultramarines? If I want to play Shrike I need to play Ravenguard? In this edition it clearly states that you can paint the models up for any chapter you want, change the proper name and use the special character stat line. Good choice, guys.
   
4. (Reclusiarch + Master of Sanctity)/2 = New Chaplain. Only two wounds, only three attacks and he costs as much as a Master of Sanctity from the last edition. The worst part? Only initiative 4 now. Jumpy-killy-solo chaplain is a thing of the past. Even character chaplain Ortan Cassius is about this same stat line. EDIT: Except Cassius is T6 with Feel No Pain. I missed that the first time around. I'd take 2 wounds and that over an extra wound any day.
   
5. No CCW?!? One of the pre-release rumours I remember hearing is that all marines would have pistol/ccw/bolter combos, giving them that extra attack in the assault phase. While they have the bolt pistol (good for pre-assault shooty, I assume) they have no close combat weapon in their wargear, and no option to buy one. I had heard someone mention that all models in the game count as having a ccw, but I can't find that in the rules anywhere. It that were true, would a model with only a ccw in its wargear count as having 2 ccw's? I doubt it. EDIT: I see my preconceptions were unfounded. BA's and DA's don't have ccw's. Space Wolves do by default, but they don't have bolters by default. CSM's have the pistol/ccw combo by default, but they don't have the heavy weapon options. I see this as a good trade off now.
   
6. Techmarine! I like the changes here. I feel like the servo arm / harness is better defined in terms of attacks. The fact that he has to start the shooting phase in contact with the vehicle he wants to repair and not the turn makes him useful. This certainly would have prevented my three turn "run away, now come back" Techmarine event at 'ard Boyz.
   
7. Combat tactics. The ability to decide during deployment if a squad of 10 will split into two squads of five. Very cool idea that gives flexibility to the marine troops based on the mission type.
8. Sternguard veterans. This is a departure from veteran squads of the last edition, which tended to be tricked out in assault wargear (power fist or two, lightning claws, power weapon, etc.) The sergeant of this unit can get a killy ccw, but the real strength lies in the special ammunition they field. Given the different types of ammo they have I'd rather step back and rapid fire than charge in and assault (most of the time... especially since they'd only get two attacks in assault.)
9. Vanguard veterans. Okay, maybe I spoke too soon. These guys are the assault monsters that the regular veterans used to be. The difference is that the old veteran squad couldn't take jump packs and these guys can! And they can all have power fists and melta bombs. These guys really exemplify the elite army idea; you can have the killiest troops in the game, but it's going to cost you dearly. Imagine an assassin unit of 5 of these guys with jump packs, lightning claws and a relic blade or fist. Ouch. Killy, but >300 points.
   
10. Relic Blades. Something about a S6 power weapon that swings at initiative makes me happy.
11. No more anti-vehicle assault squads. Only the sergeant of an assault squad can take melta bombs now, and you can only take one plasma pistol per 5 models in the squad. EDIT: Vanguard Veterans take this role now, but they are soooo expensive. A Vanguard Veteran with jump pack and melta bomb is 35 pts, compared to 24 pts for the old assault squad member with jump pack and melta bomb. Sure the VanVet has 2 attacks, but that won't give you an extra melta bomb attack.
    
12. Terminator squads can only take one assault cannon / heavy flamer / cyclone launcher per 5 models in the unit. Very good choice.

There's more, but I have to run. Feel free to leave your opinion of best/worst in the new book. I'm a real 40k noob, so any insight as to how this edition compares to 2nd or 3rd would be helpful.

P3 Hobby Stuff

I have a box of miscellaneous P3 hobby supplies at home. I've used a few pieces, and I'll comment on others as I get impressions.

The Wet Palette - I just can't bring myself to open this thing. The one I use is nearly free, and I can't imagine the P3 version adding value for the price.

Work Hobby Brush - ugh. I figured this brush would be good for basecoating or something. It developed a wicked hook after just one day of normal use (not even harsh use, like glue or drybrushing.) I guess I don't know what to expect from a "hobby" brush. In it's defense it hasn't gotten worse since the first day, and I've been using it.

Work Studio Brush - that's more like it. This brush has kept it's shape for several sessions. It gives me hope for the Detail Studio Brush, which I will use when my W&Ns7 goes to pasture.

Mixing Medium - nice! I figured this would be a typical glaze medium, and it pretty much is, but it's nice and smooth and delivers a much better "low effort" value. I used this on about half of my quick-painted Black Reach Orks (on the skin) and they look better as a result.

Things I may try soon....

• Pin vise expansion kits (very clever idea!)
• modeling putty (brown/gray... I'd like to see how it measures up to green stuff)
• clippers, but only because I lost my normal pair somewhere

Want a review of a hobby item? Let me know!

A Few Thoughts on Magnets

I've been magnetizing my bases for 40k, Whfb and Warmachine for a while now. I've found fantasy units so much easier to transport when already ranked up than if each model is in its own little cell in a Sabol ATC, so I've typically used a steel cookie sheet (dollar store variety) to transport them, neatly arranged on a movement tray that, itself, has magnetic sheeting on it (ink jet printable refridgerator magnet type.) I should probably come up with some way to transport 5 or 6 cookie sheets at once... but I digress.

So far I've been using 1/4" Dia x 3/32" Thick NdFeB Disc Magnet, Ni-Cu-Ni plated from AmazingMagnets.com. They are strong enough that two of them will keep a heavy warjack stuck to the side of a filing cabinet. The problem is that with light plastic figures, the magnetized models tend to "jump" into each other if they get too close. I think I might try to find something a little smaller for the plastic figs in light of this. I would still use the stronger magnets for the metal models though.

I've also never used magnets for weapon/arm swapping, but I am probably going to do so after reading this entry over at "All Things 40k." The idea of being able to swap terminator arms out is too tempting with the new Black Reach terminators so easy to get. A single box of assault terminators + a Black Reach box = 10 assault termies or 5 regular/5 assault if you magnetize arms.

I am Painter 1450!!

Back when I got a bronze in Chicago this year, I mentioned (maybe not here) that one things I was excited about is that I would be shown on "Demon Winner", an unofficial Golden Demon collection site. Apparently they have updated, and there I am! I am officially designated as Peintre 1450!

Shown here is my official "Painter 1450" image. I'm not sure if I should submit personal photo to them or not. Yeah, I'm a big geek about this, but I'm really thrilled to be in such great company there.

Useless Pharmacology

I took a bottle of these to the tournament. They didn't help. They really didn't help. You wouldn't believe how many 1's and 2's I rolled when I needed 3+. Someone mentioned a house rule for bad rollers where all 1's become 6's and all 6's become 1's. Hmmm....

(Apologies to and inspiration from Jonathan Coulton.)

Bunny Slippers = #1

Remember that Night Goblin I painted wearing bunny slippers? For some reason he's the #1 google image if you search on "night goblin."

Go ahead. Try it:
http://images.google.com/images?q=night goblin

I eBay'ed that guy ages ago and he sold for like $10. I hope the new owner is getting a lot of mileage out of him!

EDIT: He's #2 now. Jakob Nielsen's night goblin army is #1, as it should be.